Sunday SUNDAY Sunday & my new year’s resolution

I totally kicked workout ass today!!!  I can’t help but wonder if it’s a great day or mania.  Damn mental health issues clouding my judgement!! Whatever it was that helped me have my best ever, THANKS!!

The holidays are upon us and it’s a time for family, friends and fun!  For me it means putting on a smile when I’d rather hide.  I’m an edge dweller.  You will NOT find me in the middle of a group, it freaks me out.  I’ll hang around the edge, like in a corner facing out so no one can be behind me.  Or on the outside of a doorway so my back isn’t to anyone.  Anyone else?

I’m still trying to find my blog niche.  I just like it to tell my story of wanting to get my body back, and my head straight.  Every day is a battle to keep my head above water it seems.  I have 40 lbs to lose and I want to be back to my hot weight!  I was on a medication a couple of years ago that made me gain 40 pounds over the winter.  I’ve never felt more self conscious as I do now.  Hell, even my fingers have gained weight.  I’m not comfortable in my skin, or my jeans…and THAT, my friends, is a big stinkin problem.  Yes I said a couple of years ago…why isn’t it gone yet?  I’m still on weight gaining medications and I try like hell to get workouts in but anyone who is bi-polar can attest to how it literally takes all of my being to get in a good workout.  I also suffer from debilitating migraines and I just can’t seem to get it all together in a good way for any more than a month at a time.  My vanity is suffering badly and it’s my own fault.  Beauty is within and I know that but being an Esthetician by trade, vanity IS my business.  I’m not able to get or hold a job due to migraines and mental health.  It’s tough on the ego for sure!

 I’m telling you my resolution for 2013: Be the best me I can be!!  Win the day, every day!  If I want to feel better I need to look better…and there is no good reason that I can’t straighten my hair and throw on a little makeup…sometimes that can make ALL the difference.  I’m going to fit a workout in when I can, but try every day so that if I have 5 good days in a row I won’t beat myself up over not working out 2 days if I feel sad.  I’ll be turning 35 in February and I’d like to have some amazing momentum of the fantastic fashion by then.