This month has been less than stellar but I’m not going to let it ruin my year. I’m an optimistic person and I know that all of this nonsense is a lesson, a chance to grow and be a better me. I’ll take it!!
The nonsense has been illness and the death of my Dad. Also I’m trying to keep my goals in mind, although truth be told, at this time I couldn’t care LESS about my years’ goals. I still want to get to my goal weight, build a banging body and be a Senior Rep in WV. My bummed out self is sad as hell that my Dad is gone.
We did see him 3 out of the 5 days we visited in November and for that I will be eternally grateful. However, Dad and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. I am my mother’s mini. I’m exactly like her and with Dad that was a problem. I’m always on Team Mom and haven’t always been the nicest person about it. I was judgemental, opinionated and sometimes just plain old mean. I had a better outlook on our relationship once I found out that my Dad had Huntington’s Disease. I instantly felt like a piece of trash for treating him like an a$$hole when he was sick. What a prize I am. Once we knew he was sick I was a much better daughter and support source. We built a relationship that was better than it ever was, although he was deteriorating physically and functionally. I would almost always cry leaving his house, knowing he wasn’t the same old Dad anymore. He was forgetful, and frustrated and lacked balance. He was fidgety and couldn’t sit still. It was frustrating for him and sad for me and my Sister. We loved him unconditionally and I’m sure of that.
None of us were expecting my Dad to pass away, he was only 58. He was in the hospital since October with congestive heart failure. Complications from the HD in addition to the 10% function of his heart made it impossible for him to get better.
Now I’m home in Denver and trying to get back to whatever the hell my new “normal” will be. Missing Dad will forever will be part of my life now, forever. My bummed out self is present but absent…thinking of seven thousand other things than the tasks at hand. I’m hoping to stay on top of things so that I don’t have to worry about my mental health’s health. My sleep has been off, my schedule has been off…I’m hoping to get some motivation soon, this sucks!
It was suggested by My Love that I should take it easy for a few days to try to get back on track. Today I think I’ll just veg out and tomorrow I’ll try to hit the gym…I think I may just have to set it as a reminder in my phone…otherwise I’ll just keep putting it off. After all, I do have big plans for this year. I think I’ll just try to make Dad proud, well and me proud too 🙂 Also I’m hoping to keep eating clean and make some meal plans and prep for a few days. Thinking about what’s for dinner everyday isn’t on my list of things to do. The girls and I have plans to get together every couple weeks or month…so we don’t all get overwhelmed by life. It does have a tendency to get away from us…life that is! So I guess all that’s left to do is just take it easy, and get ready to get back at it tomorrow.
Oh and by the way: My Love is the greatest of the great!! He is my rock and every day I’m more and more thankful and more and more in love with him. Every day I wake up next to him, and every day I smile…THANK YOU MY LOVE!!!!